If you have just come out of a relationship, and you think maybe you're not miserable enough already, make some phone calls to service providers. It's a real treat. In the two weeks since my relationship ended, I've done a pretty good job of burying myself in deep, deep denial. Unfortunately, the break up meant I had to update my car insurance. It almost pushed me over the edge.
Me: I'd like to remove one of my named drivers please. Former Love of my Life.
Insurance lady: You'd like to terminate Former Love of your Life?
Me: Terminate? Um, I suppose so, yes.
Insurance lady: Ok, so we are going to terminate your named driver, Former Love of your Life?
Me: Yes please. That's the one.
Insurance lady: So I see you have three named drivers: Your Father, Your Mother and Former Love of your Life. Which one are we terminating?
Me: Former Love of my Life! Please.
Insurance lady: Ok, so we are terminating Former Love of your Life?
After ten minutes of this, I felt like terminating myself. Removing him from my car insurance (ergo, my life) needs to be like ripping off a plaster - painful but brief. That conversation was more like gouging out my heart with a blunt spoon. And it cost me £17.50.
Now to arrange the "termination" of the contract on our flat...